I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
