This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Shame - the story of my life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
