Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
