I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
