so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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