I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
