The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
