I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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