he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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