please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
