i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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