I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
