Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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