i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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