I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
