They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize