Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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