You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
