i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
