I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
