My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
