He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
