Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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