he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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