she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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