Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My liver just had a heart attack.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
