I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
