I love black thongs
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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