Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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