If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
