Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
