ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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