I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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