I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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