sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
