Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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