Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
