Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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