Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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