I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize