and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
