He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
