no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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