Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
