I think scott just propositioned me for sex
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
