I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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