Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
