Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
