did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
