i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize