pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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