They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize