Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
