i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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