my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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