oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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