I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
