I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
