May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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