If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
