i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
