So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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