I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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