i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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