We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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