just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
