Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
