I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
