the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i will never coherently bang her
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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