Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
