haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
