I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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