i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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