Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
