Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't deserve a penis
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
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