can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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