She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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