I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
