i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
