Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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