Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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