Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you traded sex for a burrito?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
