At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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