Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
