Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
