is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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