WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
