No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
There's even glitter on my cock...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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