so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
