Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
