Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
