She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
