He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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