I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
