you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
