i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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