So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
