My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
