my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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