she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
