He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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