she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize