I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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