Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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