he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
a search helicopter?!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
