College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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