Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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