Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
