I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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